A Hectic Week

Life is so ironic. 1 month ago, I was sitting on my cute ass at home, wondering when I was gonna get a job. Now, I have a job and can now start to bitch about all the shit I had to do this week! The only saving grace was that I got my first pay check this week!!! I felt so good. I feel like a new woman and that I'm on top of the world. There's nothing like working and being rewarded. I felt like all those months I was at home, looking for a job in vain, feel insecure about myself, contemplating suicide, wondering how much longer I could survive without thoughts of ... let me not even say.

The important thing right now is that I have a job, not the best one, but it's ok, pay is ok and I can stand on my own 2 feet again. No feeling beats that.

So, what am I going to do this fine Saturday night with my money in hand? Curl up, watch TV, pop some popcorn and chill.

In Honour

Birthdays are special days usually filled with reflection, thoughts of the past, thoughts of the future, the high and low points of the past year and resolutions of the new year ahead.

However you look at birthdays, it is a day to celebrate your life. No need for a fancy dress or a huge party with 200 guests. All you need is you, peace of mind and happiness.

To my special friend celebrating her birthday day, make it wonderful, make it special, make it count.

What Kind Of Kisser Is Natalie?

You're a Romantic Kisser

Whew, is it warm in here or is that just you? When it comes to kissing, you get your drive from the lure of romance. For you, it's more than a meeting of the lips. You appreciate kissing for the rush and for what it symbolizes. Long-stemmed roses, candlelight dinners, and weekend retreats to bed and breakfasts. Sound about your speed?

You're a kissing partner who can go beyond the sweet surrender of locking lips to discuss the meaning of relationships. To really express yourself, you're probably one who's concerned with setting the proper mood. You might light a fire or take your date to a beautiful lookout before cuddling and kissing. You probably like to make a lot of eye contact, gently hug and touch your date, and talk tenderly about your feelings.

While your intensions are pure, your intensity might sometimes be a little overwhelming. Don't forget that being playful can also be a sign of affection, and remember, sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.


What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

Strange Yet Funny Dream

My friend Tina* and I were running down Constant Spring Road. We were being chased by a troop of Kangaroos! We ran and ran and ran all the way to Half Way Tree. There we saw a "chi chi" bus. We jumped in, threw the driver out the window and I sped off down Hagley Park Road, heading towards Portmore. All of a sudden, we are parking the bus in front of Quad, in the middle of the day. We went into our bags, changed into our club clothes, went inside and just joined the dancing fun like nothing had happened!

So, there we are, dancing away, up comes these two guys to us, holding up badges, you know, like the FBI. They are investigating the disappearance of some Kangaroos from the St. Mary Zoo ... (don't even know if there is such a place). Of course, we deny knowing anything about any kangaroos. They then asked us if we wanted a drink or wanted to dance. We say yes, and while dancing with them ........................ they turn into bears!

Talk about strange, weird ... and kinda funny.

My Dream Guy

I'm optimistic that one day I'll find the man of my dreams. I'm not a picky person but I do have some standards and some criteria of the type of man I want and the qualities he should have:

1. Honest. No lies. I'm a big girl. I can handle the truth.

2. Non-Smoker. That is toxic and I refuse to be subjected to it in my home. This also extends to alcohol and drugs.

3. Ambitious. I do not want a bum. You have to at least have a job, even if it's not cushy and is only paying you minimum wage. Most importantly, if this is just a job to pay bills, there must be the desire to move on to bigger and better things.

4. Committed. I don't want a man who is going to be hopping, skipping and jumping around our relationship.

5. Faithful. This goes hand in hand with #4. No cheating. If I'm not giving you all you need, let me know so I can work on it if possible. If I can't, I'll walk away from the relationship. No point in us being together if I'm not making you happy and I'm feeling like shit for not making you happy. Rest assured, I'll be faithful to you. No creeping, no down-low relationships.

6. Supportive. Encourage me to always be the best I can be. If I decide to go back to school, don't be whining that I'm not spending enough time with you and all I do is study study study. I'll give you time for sure, but a real man will understand that what I'm doing is important also and that his support is critical too. And remember, that anything I do, I do it for the betterment of the relationship.

7. Selfless aka not selfish. No man who thinks only about himself will work for me. The world is not revolving around him alone if he's in a relationship with me. I must feel that I can count on him, that if he has 1 bulla, he'll give me 1/4 or if he has juice and water, he'll give me the juice!! :-) Just kidding about the juice, but I'm sure you get the picture.

8. Loving. I want a man to love me with all he has. I understand that I may not find someone to love me exactly the way I may want to be loved. But if a man loves me with everything he has, then that's good enough for me. It's important too to make me feel special at times. I like that. A little romance, an affectionate slap on the ass, a chocolate under my pillow will do the trick. It doesn't have to be some big extravagant gift.

9. Appreciative. He must appreciate me.

10. Respect. Most important. And it will be mutual.

Is he out there? I hope I'll find him ... someday.

Unwritten

These past year has been one of torture for me. I came out of a very bad relationship which left me swearing that I will never be with another man. It seems I had a knack for picking the real trash where men were concerned. I'm thinking about being with a woman, which I know can be just as bad or worse. If I come across a man I think is gonna do right by me, then I would give him a chance, but the pain, the hurt and suffering I went through, it's gonna take me a while to get to a place where I feel like I can trust me, and people in general any more.

On top of all that, I was unemployed. Looking for a job was like trying to find the gold at the end of the rainbow (y'all know that doesn't exist right??) It's like sending out resumes and replying to the ads in the paper were just a joke. Nobody called, nobody even sent a rejection letter. But, lucky for me I've gotten a break now. It's definitely not my dream job, it's not even remotely close to anything that I would even want to do but it's a job and it's paying my bills now and taking care of me, something that I didn't know would continue since I was on my last. I don't have to supportive family, no friends, so anything I do, I have to do it on my own, make it on my own. I guess that will make me appreciate more when I do achieve.

So, I've taken on a new attitude, the words of this song, Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten, sums it up perfectly where I am right now and what I intend to do.

"Unwritten"

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

An Inspiration

Thanks to those who stopped by on my last post. I've been inspired to continue with this blog and I view it as a new beginning. Sometimes, you come across people in the world and for some reason you are drawn to them. It's not something you can explain but there is just something about them that makes you want to know them better. That's what happened and I'm glad to have this person as my friend.

With that said, I'm going to make a view changes to this blog, no more sad stories about the past, no more dwelling on the pain and hurt I've felt in the past but a new beginning, a refreshing start, with new friendships and new dreams.

Thanks again for being an inspiration.

Fuck It!

I think I'm going to take this fucking blog down. Nobody reads it anyway. I can't be bothered to post about my sorry-ass, sad-ass life. So, fuck it.

This may be my last post. Still have to make up my mind. If it is, thanks to the few who read.

What's The Deal With Immature Guys?

I just hate an immature man.

im‧ma‧ture  /ˈɪməˈtʃʊr, -ˈtʊr, -ˈtyʊr, -ˈtʃɜr/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[im-uh-choor, -toor, -tyoor, -chur]; –adjective

1.	not mature, ripe, developed, perfected, etc.

2.	emotionally undeveloped; juvenile; childish.

Definition #2 perfectly characterizes the immature man. It amazes me at the things a man thinks will impress a woman. I guess they probably think everybody is a gold digger and a skank who cares only about money, the bling, going out, wearing the latest, rolling in the hottest car, and knowing that the man they rolling with has the biggest dick to boot.

Do they even think about having a conversation? Finding something more stimulating to do than go to Asylum and Quad? Thinking there is more to a woman than how big and stiff her breasts are, how phat her pussy is and how round her ass?

I guess those men are really not men anyway. They are boys. Immature, emotionally undeveloped, juvenile, childish boys.

God help them.

I know there are real men out there. When am I going to find one????

A Poem I Wrote

Negative emotions, loneliness
Positive emotions, crushed
Feelings of love overwhelm me,
Then taken over by hatred
The thin line they speak of is real

The hurt, the pain
The tears, the drain
When does it end?
When do I get my big break?
Not a broken heart

Where did all my strength go?
I had some in the not so distant past
Taken from me, by life, by situations
By circumstance, by parasites
Whose sole purpose was to take
All they could from me

Perhaps being alone isn't so bad
The great wall of protection around me
Will keep me from being stepped on,
Walked on, trampled on, killed

Maybe life isn't worth it anymore
Maybe I should just die

NYC - 23/08/06

Are We Really Independent?

Today Jamaica celebrates its Independence of 44 years. The question is are we really independent? With everything outsourced, infrastructure sold out, production almost now non-existent and imports at its highest ... can we really say that we are an independent nation?

I don't think we are but I am still proud to be a Jamaican. Happy Birthday Jamaica!

Lonely

I get so lonely sometimes. I don't have many friends. Have been hurt too many times, stabbed in the back 3 times too many. Why is it so difficult to be yourself with others? Why can't people just accept you for who you are without judging you, trying to make you over, trying to change you. It just pisses me off.

I am a very nice person and because of that I get taken advantage of so many times and people think nothing of it because I'm also a very strong person.

I should really start posting on this blog more often. I have so much to say and had so many experiences that I would like to share. I think I'm a bit afraid to put m yself out there, my beliefs, my views, my excapades, my sexual encounters, me. All of Me. What do I have to lose? I have anonymity on my side. But a part of me would love for everyone to know the real me.

It is so lonely and I just don't know what to do anymore. What do I do??????

Wow.

Wow! I met a guy from Italia today online. It's such a coincidence since today was the world cup finals and it was between Italy and France .... And Italy won 5 - 3 over those french bastards! He seems to be very nice and interesting and into some very kinky sex. He mentioned anal fisting which I'm not excited about at all and told him as much. He's coming to Ja supposedly in August and wants to meet me, fuck me and take pics of my pussy. These are the things I've warned people about and I must say I'm slightly tempted to meet him.

We chatted on MSN today and our conversation left me wet, I had to touch myself when I came offline. Am I sick and twisted? Masturbating for/to someone I don't even know. I'm really desperado. I need to meet someone nice that I can connect with on every level. Someone who is interesting, ambitious, caring and into pleasure. Where is he? Or she? (I'm keeping my options open here). I can't wait to find them.

It's Been A While

That title is so appropriate. It's been a while for a lot of things for me:

It's been a while since I posted on this blog
It's been a while since I've talked to a few friends
It's been a while since I've been kissed
It's been a while since I've been fucked nice and good

I guess there is a time and season for everything.

It's not like anyone reads this blog anyway but I will continue to post. Someone may saunter around here one day.

So, to anyone who cares, I'm still alive. Things are not going exactly the way I want but I have life so I'm optimistic.

Take care everyone.

Peace out ... from Natalie.

Memories ... cont'd

Bret wanted to know how to go down on a woman. I had never had a man go down on me before so I was very excited about the prospect of finally experiencing this great sexual encounter I had heard so much about. We arranged to meet at the usual spot on Sunday night. So as not to arouse much suspiscion, I went there early before he came over. As our luck would have it, only the man of the house was home, the 2 girls and baby boy and mother were at the grand parents so it made it much easier for us to be alone. As the time got darker and later, Bret had actually gotten a VHS of porn for us to watch ... Him did really serious. So, we proceeded to watch.

It started with innocent little touches of my breasts and nipples. Light squeezes, hard pinches, firm rubbing. I was enjoying every minute of it and my pussy started to get wetter and wetter with his every touch. He left me for about 2 minutes during which I continued to touch myself. When he came back he told me that he just went to see if the man of the house was asleep or what ... and he was. I had worn a skirt so that his access would be easy and seemless and in case we thought we would get caught, it would be easy for me to fix my clothes so no one would suspect what was really happening. He raised my skirt, pushed my panty aside and started to kiss me between my legs. I was ecstatic. The first touch of his tongue on my pussy was electrifying. He continued to suck and lick, bite and pull all parts of my pussy, each arousing me in a totally different way. By then, we had forgotten about the movie in the video since we were basically making our own blue movie at that time.

It didn't take long for my first orgasm to rock over my body. He focussed on my clit just perfectly. It was hard to believe that he was doing this for the first time. Whatever he had been watching had taught him well cause he was giving me a pleasure I had never felt before.

After cumming very hard, we took a break and I asked him,
"Are you sure you have never done this before?"
He assured me that this was his first time.

I found it very hard to believe and he said he enjoyed it so much. I asked him what was it he liked about doing it:

1. The way I tasted
2. The way my pussy felt in his mouth
3. How wet it got me, so much more than when he fondles me
4. The way I react when he touches certain spots with his tongue
5. Feeling me cum all over his face
6. The level of pleasure it gave me

He gave me 6 orgasms that night. I finally experienced the "climbing the wall backwards" that I had heard occurs when a man goes down on a woman. It was like he couldn't get enough of me and every time he made me come again it was just like he wanted to do it again and again and again. Honestly, I don't think I could have managed another orgasm that night, although he begged me so much. He followed me home and wanted to go down on me right outside my house on the stairs. I had to send him home telling him to save some for another time. He finally agreed. When I got inside, I just remembered each orgasm he gave me that night and just smiled with pleasure.

Huh ... Now U Know.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Natalie!

1. If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill Natalie.
2. The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr Natalie Head!
3. Over half of Americans are officially Natalie!
4. Peanuts and Natalie are beans.
5. Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up Natalie!
6. Olympic badminton rules say that Natalie must have exactly fourteen feathers.
7. Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of Natalie in a day.
8. Red Natalie at night, shepherd's delight. Red Natalie at morning, shepherd's warning.
9. Natalieomancy is the art of telling the future with Natalie.
10. Banging your head against Natalie uses 150 calories an hour.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Men ... when will some of them get it??

This past week, I played the role of counsellor to 3 women who are having problems with their man. Even though I'm younger than most of these women, some say I am wise beyond my years and people, even those I consider mere acqauintances come to me for advice because they know I'll keep it real, I won't take sides, I'll be objective and give them my honest opinion.

The scenario that got to me the most was one of a woman, 37 years old. Involved in a relationship with a man for almost 20 years. They share 2 children together. Now, the man was called away as a result of his job for a short stint and the short stint turned into 4 years and counting. Needless to say he basically started another life while away on assignment, almost neglecting his family and told lie upon lie upon lie. Even when he was confronted with evidence of his infidelity, he still continued to vehemently deny the allegations brought against him.

What is it about a man that prevents them from being faithful? If you love someone, why would you want to do something that you KNOW would hurt the person you claim to love if they knew about it? The saying "Wheh eye nuh see, heart nuh leap" is such a true statement. "What you don't know won't hurt you".

I would never tell someone to leave their man. That is their own decision to make. What I try to do is to make the picture clearer. "Love is Blind". I hate to hear of people being hurt in relationships. For this woman, she has remained faithful to him for the entire time that he has been away and I can only imagine the pain and hurt she felt looking at those pictures of her man with another woman in very intimate situations. On top of it, these other women were calling her, and telling her that the man told them that there was no relationship between him and her and that she is just the mother of his children. That is like a slap in the face to someone who has been resisting temptation, raising your children, taking care of business at home, dealing with various situations of violence experienced. I'm so relieved she didn't have a nervous breakdown.

Ok, it's official: Men are complete idiots who don't know a good thing when they see one or have it. They don't give a shit about anything else but themselves, and yet expect us to be faithful, take care of their every need, satisfy them in bed, raise their children, pay the bills and I could go on and on and on. When will they get it? Wishful thinking, cause I believe they never will.

Memories

Today I was remembering a very exhilirating experience that started to happen to me when I was about 14 years old. I learnt at a very early age about my sexuality. Background: I was sexually molested at a young age by a family member, was hurt about it, felt violated about it and not sure what to do about it. It was shortly after this awful experience that I started to masturbate. Giving myself pleasure was the only thing on my mind. Every chance I got to be alone would find me touching myself over and over again, trying to find that one spot that made me feel "good".

When I was 16, I formally met a guy, we'll call him Bret, through some friends of my family. I had seen him around in my neighbourhood but we never spoke before. Bret was younger than I was. Maybe 13 or so. I always noticed him looking at me. I knew I was quite sexy but thought it presumptious of this "little boy" to be looking at me. Well, one day, Bret and I were alone at our friend's house. He said he was bored and wanted something to do and I was horny as hell.

Me: "Have you ever touched a woman?"
B: "No"
Me: "Come here"

He didn't resist. He came to sit in the couch with me and I told him to touch my breasts. He was very clumsy as this was his first experience with a woman. He wasn't doing it quite right so I had to direct him, tell him what to do, where to touch, how hard, how fast, where to squeeze and so on. I must say that he was a fast learner. After this lesson, I proceeded to teach him how to use his mouth. It was almost like all of this just came naturally to him because by the time we were through on that day, he was feeling and touching my breasts better than some of the men that had gotten the chance to do so before him.

What excited me even more was how interested Bret was in learning. After that day, he would constantly call me to ask me when was his next lesson. And so began the student-teacher relationship between us. In addition, he had now developed this passion for porn "blue movies" and also became an avid watcher of those. He even shared a few of them with me whenever we had the house to ourselves.

You can only imagine my shock when a couple of weeks after, Bret called to say that he wants to know how to go down on a woman.

Depression

I'm so fucking depressed. I'm feeling overwhelmed with loneliness. Is it right for someone as sweet as me to feel this way? Why am I always hurt over and over again? Because I fucking allow people to take advantage of my feelings all the fucking time. It is depressing. I wish there was someone that I could talk to but everyone that I have ever trusted or opened up myself to has stabbed me in the back so deep that the pain is never forgotten. And so the decision is mine to put up the likes of a Berlin Wall to keep out intruders who will hurt me if they get a chance. I'm sick and tired of feeling like this. I might as well just die. Who would miss me? Absolutely no one.

It's Been A While

It has been a long time since I've been here. I'm not even sure anyone is reading anymore.

Just letting you know that I'm still here, horny as ever, getting lots of pleasure and will have many stories to tell in a little while.

Grrrrr!